the weary kind

First of all, let me apologize for the spelling, gramatical, and nons3ensical errors populating my writing lately. You see, I am posting most of these from my phone. I have big hands and this tiny keyboard is no friend of mine.

I am weary. Not tired, but weary. Worn out, dragged down, beaten down and weary. My body is failing me, it has come to the point where I can no longer hide it. I can not pretend that I am not in pain, it is excruciating. Often bringing me nearly to tears. My allergies are nonstop, my immune system virtually nonexistant. It is like having the flu at its most painful, with the amp turned up to 11 at all times. I can't concentrate, sometimes I can barely walk.

My mind is weary as well. I'm too worn out to really care, yet everything hurts me deeply. This is not an experience I would wish upon anyone. I won't lie, I no longer care if I survive or not. I just want to be able to deal with the now.

However, I am so grateful for the support I have been shown. I am not normally an affectionate person, but a few people in particular mean the world to me right now. The little things they do have helped so much.

Thank you jason for being the best brother I could ask for and never giving up on me even though I've been so selfish at times.

Thank you Kris for truly encompassing what a friendship should consist of. Its a good thing you're such a big guy, that heart wouldnt fit in a lesser body.

Thank you tonya for letting me be part of such a great family.

Thank you katie for listening when I so badly needed someone to hear me.

Thank you matt, for helping me realize what really natte4rs in life even though right now it seems like ill never get that far

And thank you to all the rest of you who have sent so much love my way recently

Right now everything hurts far more than it should but the little gestures are just as amplified